These Dreams {Alternate Version}
by Saerry Snape
Summary: {story is the same up to Chap10. THEN it gets dark and angsty} What if Hermione never comforted Harry in Chapter 10? What if she just took him up to the Hospital Wing? What would Harry have done differently? Beware of angst and dark themes.
1. Dreams in the Mist

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

**Added Summary:** What if Hermione never comforted Harry in Chapter 10?  What if she just took him up to the Hospital Wing?  What would Harry have done differently?  Beware of angst and dark themes.  (story is the same up to Chap10.  THEN it gets dark and angsty)

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Dreams in the Mist ***

_~*~_

_Spare a little candle_

_Save some light for me_

_Figures up ahead_

_Moving in the trees_

_White skin in linen_

_Perfume on my wrist_

_And the full moon that hangs over_

_These dreams in the mist_

_~*~_

In Number 04 Privet Drive a fifteen-year-old boy struggled to complete his homework.  But this was no ordinary boy and no ordinary homework.  The homework was an essay on the effects of Wolfsbane if it was used in a Healing Potion.  And the boy was Harry Potter, one of the most famous wizards in the world.

Harry sighed and hunched over his Potions book, searching through every page for information for the two-scroll essay he had to write for Professor Snape, the Potions Master at Harry's school, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Sighing, he shoved the half-scroll he had written so far into the book, snapped it shut, and shoved it under his bed.  He rolled over and looked up at the ceiling, arms crossed behind his head.  It was about 1:00 AM and Harry could clearly hear the sound of his cousin Dudley's snores in the room beyond.

Rolling over again, he looked across the room at the large calendar he had made to mark off the days until he returned to Hogwarts.  Only a few more days and he would be back.

Harry also noticed that he had been fifteen for an hour now.  Normally his friends Ron and Hermione would send him his birthday presents, along with the Hogwarts gamekeeper Hagrid and his godfather Sirius.  But Dumbledore had told them not to contact Harry over the summer and they hadn't.  Harry almost wished that his godfather _would_ contact him as he was worried sick about him as Sirius was still wanted for being the 'cause' of his, Harry's, parents death.

Suddenly a large barn owl landed outside his window, which had been barred yet again by Uncle Vernon.  Harry leapt up, half-hoping it was from Sirius.  But as he untied the letter from the owl's leg he saw the familiar envelope and Hogwarts crest.  Sighing, he opened it and skimmed through the familiar writing of Professor McGonagall while the barn owl hooted softly at him.

"Go on.  I haven't got anything for you."

The barn owl hooted indignantly and Hedwig screeched at it from her cage.  Harry quickly hushed her and waved a hand frantically at the barn owl.  He stuffed the Hogwarts letter into his pocket and looked for the sound of a door opening or footsteps.  After not hearing either after two minutes he relaxed and brushed his hair back from his face.

Ever since summer began his hair had been growing quicker than normal and was now hanging just below his shoulders.  Aunt Petunia had tried to cut it several times but as it had kept growing back she had given up on it.

Hedwig hooted wistfully and Harry walked over to her cage.  Reaching through the bars, he ran his hand through her snowy feathers and she gently nipped as his fingers.  He smiled at her and said, "Sorry I can't let you out, Hed.  But two more weeks and we'll we back at Hogwarts."

Hedwig hooted sleepily and closed her amber eyes.  Harry gave her one last pat then walked over and closed the window.  Stretching, he yawned then made his way over to his bed.  Taking off his glasses, he sat then down on the bedside table then walked over and turned off the light.  Hedwig hooted softly and Harry smiled in her direction.

Yawning again, he fell into his bed, jerked the thin blanket of himself, and fell asleep.

_~*~_

_Darkness on the edge_

_Shadows where I stand_

_I search for the time_

_On a watch with no hands_

_I want to see you clearly_

_Come closer than this_

_But all I remember_

_Are the dreams in the mist_

_~*~_

A/N: What'cha think?  Should I write more?


	2. Sweetest Song is Silence

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Sweetest Song is Silence ***

_~*~_

_Is it cloak n dagger_

_Could it be spring or fall_

_I walk without a cut_

_Through a stained glass wall_

_Weaker in my eyesight_

_The candle in my grip_

_And words that have no form_

_Are falling from my lips_

_~*~_

Two weeks later Harry was being driven down to King's Cross.  He had convinced Uncle Vernon to drive him there by commenting on how angry his godfather would be if he didn't get to Hogwarts.  Uncle Vernon's face had turned a lovely shade of violet and then he had gruffly told Harry to be ready at six o' clock sharp.

So now here he was, heading for his fifth year at Hogwarts.  Uncle Vernon had (not too kindly) put his trunk on a trolley then hurriedly driven off.  Harry placed Hedwig's cage on top of his trunk then headed in the direction of Platform 9 ¾.  As soon as he passed through the barrier something smacked into his chest and hugged him tightly.

"Hermione!  Geroff!"

Hermione ignored him and continued to hug him.  She cried, "Harry!  I was so worried about you!  Professor Dumbledore told me not to write but I almost did I was so worried!"

Harry patted her shoulder and said, "Thanks, Herm, but as you can see I'm fine.  But do you have to hug me so hard?  I kind of need those ribs you're bruising."

"Oh, sorry, Harry."  Hermione took a step back and looked up at him.  She blinked then said, "You've grown!  And your hair's longer."

Harry grinned.  Not only have his hair grown to his shoulders but he had also sprouted up from a measly 5'4 to a few centimeters about 6'0.  He suspected that he was close to Ron's height now.

"Yea.  Just a little."

"A little?  Harry, you're taller than Ron!"

Harry blinked.  "Pardon?"

Hermione blushed as she said, "Erm, I visited Ron over the summer.  You're about an inch taller than him if I guess right."

"What?"

"Harry!  Herm!"

Ron suddenly ran up and blinked at Harry.

"Wha?  How?  Your taller than me!"

Harry nodded and said, "I know."  He looked at the Hogwarts Express then added, "Maybe we should get on the train."

"Yea, sure."

The three of them lugged their trunks onto the train and into an empty compartment.  Harry and Ron put Hedwig and Pigwidgeon's cages above their heads and Ron threw a blanket over the minute owls cage to muffle his twittering.

A few minutes later Hermione was buried in _Hogwarts, A History_ and Ron and Harry had begun a game of Exploding Snap.

************************

A few hours later they were walked down the halls to their dorms.  The Sorting Ceremony had went well (except for the part where almost everyone had panicked when Dumbledore had told them Voldemort had returned) and the Welcoming Feast was wonderful as usual.

Harry and Ron were talking about Quidditch as they lagged along behind the group of scattered fifth and fourth years.  As they passed the Slytherins on their way to the dungeon, Professor Snape, who was heading in the same direction as his students as his rooms were in the dungeons, glared at them.  His glare fell to a shocked expression when his eyes fell on Harry but that was replaced quickly by a sneer as Harry looked at him.  In a swirl of black robes he turned away.

Harry blinked then look at Ron, who looked just as surprised.

"What was that about?"

Ron shrugged and they launched back into their conversation.

************************

Later, as Harry lay in his four posted bed listening to Ron and Neville's snores, he pondered over why Professor Snape had looked at him.  Harry swore the Potions Master had looked – of all things – surprised.  Was it his hair?

Idly, Harry reached up and fingered a lock of his long hair.  It _did_ look like he was trying to imitate the dreary professor but anyone who really thought about it would find that insane.  Harry and Snape had never liked each other, not since that first Potions class.

Sighing Harry rolled over and pulled his blanket up over his shoulder.  In a few moments he was asleep, his dreams rolling with the memory of a beating Uncle Vernon had given him over the summer.  Dream-Uncle Vernon then changed into Voldemort, who laughed and fired _Avada Kedavra_ at him.

Harry shot awake, dark hair flying about his face.  He had not woken anyone as he had trained himself over the summer not to cry out from his nightmares.  Instead he drew his knees up to his chest and looked out the window at the glowing sliver of the crescent moon.

_~*~_

_The sweetest song is silence_

_That I've ever heard_

_Funny how your feet_

_In dreams never touch the earth_

_In a wood full of princes_

_Freedom is a kiss_

_But the prince hides his face_

_From the dreams in the mist_

_~*~_


	3. Caught Me Off Guard

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Caught Me Off Guard ***

_~*~_

_I would walk home every evening_

_Through the pyramids of light_

_I would feed myself on silence_

_Wash it down with empty nights_

_Then your innocent distractions_

_Hit me so hard_

_My emotional reaction_

_Caught me off guard_

_~*~_

The next morning Harry stumbled into the Great Hall extremely late.  He had dark circles under his eyes, which were a drab looking green, and his hair was wilder than usual.  As he sat down beside Ron, dropping his bag with a loud _THUMP_, the red-haired boy said, "You look like you went one-on-one with Crookshanks."

Harry rubbed at his eyes and mumbled, "Couldn't sleep."

Hermione looked worriedly at him from her seat across the table.  She asked, "Dreams?"

Harry gave a harsh bark of laughter and growled, "Nightmares."

Ron winced and Hermione frowned.  They both knew that Harry's scar linked him to Voldemort and he often had dreams (or nightmares) that showed what Voldemort was doing or had done.

"Was it about – erm – You-Know-Who?"

Harry rubbed at his eyes again then folded his arms and laid his head down on them, his face facing the tabletop.  Hermione and Ron heard his voice, though slightly muffled, say, "I don't want to talk about it."

Ron began, "But . . ." but Hermione cut him off with a sharp look.

Harry sighed and closed his eyes.  He only looked up when Professor McGonagall walked by handing out time tables and then only glanced at his before burying his head in his arms again.  A few minutes later Ron was tugging at the back of his robes and said loudly, "C'mon, Harry!  We've got double Potions in two minutes!"

Harry mumbled something unintelligible and rose, picking up his bag and trudged out of the hall after Hermione and Ron.

He never noticed a pair of dark eyes watching him.

************************

Once in Potions class Harry pillowed his head on his arms again.  He heard Draco Malfoy's cold voice call from the other side of the room, "Not get your beauty sleep, Potter?"

Beside Harry Ron's face reddened and he snarled, "Sod off, Malfoy."

"Five points from Gryffindor, Weasley.  I will not tolerate that language in my class."

Professor Snape had entered the room, wearing his trademark sneer.  As he walked past them his dark eyes flicked down to Harry's prone figure and Ron muttered something that sounded like "Slimy bastard".  Snape stopped and said, "Five more points from Gryffindor, Weasley.  Care to go for ten?"

The Slytherins laughed while Ron's face turned a shade of red that was almost the color of his hair and the rest of the Gryffindors glared at Snape, who sneered at Ron then stalked to the front of the room.

"Today we will be making a Tessarii Potion.  Can any of you foolish children tell me what this potion does?"

Hermione's hand immediately shot up.  Harry could tell from Ron's snigger.

"Ms. Granger?"

"A Tessarii Potion is supposed to show you every person you are related to by blood.  If you put a sheet of paper in the potion while some part of you is touching it, a list of your blood relations will appear on the paper."

"An excellent explanation, Granger.  But I know for a fact Finnegan gave you that answer.  Mr. Potter, if you would join the class."

Harry lifted his head to see most of the class looking at him.  He stifled a yawn then brushed his hair back off his face, mumbling, "Sorry professor."

Snape sneered.  "Indeed.  Now, copy down these ingredients and begin.  At the end of class we will test one of your potions and see if any of you have gotten it right."  With that he flicked his wand at the board, causing a list of instructions to appear there.  The class copied them down then immediately began to work on their potions.

************************

Harry was half-asleep as he worked so Ron had to keep nudging him to keep him awake.

"Harry, you need to get some sleep."

Harry frowned and grumbled, "You try to sleep with horrible nightmares dancing through your head."

Ron blinked then turned back to his potion, which had turned a sickly green color.

"Oh, what did I do now?"

Harry yawned and looked at the cauldron.  "Too much besselroot."

"Bloody hell.  Wait – how'd you know that?"

Harry began, "Well, I . . ."  He blinked then softly said, "Damn.  I don't know."

Ron arched an eyebrow and said, "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know.  I just looked at your cauldron and some little 'voice' in my head said 'Too much besselroot'."

"Freaky."

"Yea."

Hermione suddenly hissed, "Guys, shut up.  Snape's looking right at us."

Ron and Harry blinked then saw she was right.  Snape was actually sitting behind his desk for once, watching the two of them with a piercing gaze.  Harry glared at him then went back to work on his potion.

************************

"Now, let's see which of you got their potion right.  Longbottom, you're hopeless.  Dump that mess and expect to be here tonight to redo that potion.  You as well, Finnegan.  Granger, you added too much klagairn.  Weasley, red not blue-green.  And Potter . . ."

Snape's voice trailed off as he discovered that Harry's potion was, well – perfect.

"Two points to Gryffindor for actually getting the potion right, Potter."

As Snape moved on Ron whispered, "Snape just gave us _points_?  Is this a joke?"

Harry looked at him and whispered back, "We'll probably lose them during this class."

"Weasley, Potter, ten points from Gryffindor."

Harry sighed and said, "See my point?"

"Yea.  Slimy git."

"Hngh."

Snape finished looking at the potions then selected Draco's to test.

"Volunteers?"

No one raised their hands.

"Then I shall choose someone.  Potter, come here."

Harry blinked then rose and slowly walked to the front of the class.  Snape had moved Draco's cauldron to his desk and he sneered at Harry over it.  Harry looked at him and discovered that he was only about four inches shorter than the professor.

"Place your finger in the potion, Potter."

Harry tentatively put one of the fingers of his left hand in the potion (he didn't trust his right hand to Draco's potion or in fact, either hand).  The red surface shimmered and swirled, turning into a mixture of scarlet, gold, emerald, and silver.

Snape plucked a sheet of paper off his desk and dropped it into the potion.  There was a tiny puff of gray smoke and then the sheet was basically 'spit' out of the cauldron.

"You may remove your finger, Potter."

Harry pulled his hand out of the potion and wiped it on his robes, watching as the surface returned to bright red.

"Return to your seat, Potter."

Harry quickly walked back to his seat and collapsed next to Ron.  Snape told them to clean up and they did just that.  As Harry picked up his bag to leave then the class was done Snape growled, "Potter, come here."

Ron and Hermione looked at Harry from the door and he waved at them to go on.

As soon as everyone was gone he asked, "Yes, professor?"

Snape sneered and waved a sheet of paper.  The same sheet he had dropped into Draco's potion.  He snarled, "Would you mind explaining this?"

"Explaining what, professor?"

"This."

Snape threw the paper at him and Harry caught it.  He read the names on the sheet, most of which he didn't recognize.  Then he saw one name he did recognize.

**Lillian Marie Evans-Snape-Potter (1964-1981)**

He blinked and reread that.  _Lillian Marie Evans-Snape-Potter?  What the hell?_

Harry read the name after that and came as close to fainting as he'd ever been in his life.

**Severus Sadiron Snape (1964-)**

And below that . . . .

**Harold Jamison Snape-Potter (1981-)**

_Oh God._

_~*~_

_It was nothing at all_

_Like anything I had felt before_

_And it was nothing at all_

_Like I thought no it's so much more_

_No one else has ever made_

_Me feel this way_

_When I asked you how you did it_

_You just say_

_It was nothing at all_

_~*~_

A/N: Mwaaaaaaaaaaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……  Cliffie's are my evil minions.

A/N2: Please note Harry's middle name.  I really like the name Jamison (and James _could_ be a shorter version of it).  I would have put Quentin but that makes no sense.  Anyway….  Ignore my obsession with character names from a later 60's-early 70's cheap gothic drama….


	4. Nobody Home

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Nobody Home ***

_~*~_

_Don't run too fast_

_Like a shot from a gun_

_Don't jump too high_

_And knock out the sun_

_Don't stray too far_

_Out on your own_

_When you finally come knocking_

_When you finally come knocking_

_There'll be nobody home_

_Nobody home_

_~*~_

Harry's POV 

This had to be a joke.  It just _had_ to be.

The potion was wrong.  Malfoy did something to it.  I know he did!

But what?

Oh God, what if its not wrong?

Oh God . . .

"Potter?"

I looked up at Professor Snape, who was looking at me with what looked like _worry_ in his dark eyes.

"Yes, professor?"

My voice sounded hollow.  Dear God, this couldn't be true.  _It couldn't!_

"Did you do something to the potion, Potter?"

Me?  He suspects _I_ did something to the potion?  I didn't even touch the damn thing except when he told me to!  Damn him.

"No, sir."

"Don't lie to me, Potter."

My eyes flashed angrily.

"I'm not."

"Potter . . ."

"_I'M NOT LYING!_"

Snape sneered and I scowled furiously at him.  He blinked at me for a moment then spat, "Get out."

I blinked now.  First he wants me to stay, now he wants me gone?  Working for Voldemort must've done something to his mind.  Or maybe it was staying in these musty dungeons.

"_GET THE HELL OUT, POTTER!_"

I blinked then turned and fled, the paper clutched in my fist.  The door to the Potions room slammed shut behind me and I looked back at it.  Uncrumpling the sheet of paper, I read it again before slumping against the cold dungeon wall.

It just couldn't be true.

Could it?

************************

Snape's POV 

Damn that boy.  Damn him, damn him, damn him.  He has tried my patience far too many times and now he does _this_.  How the hell did he know Lily and I were married?  _How?_

And how did he manipulate the potion?  He wouldn't know how.

Or perhaps there was another explanation . . .

No.  It couldn't be.  Never, never, never.

I picked up something from my desk and hurled it at the far wall in a bout of blind anger.  Whatever it was shattered and brought my attention back from its state of brooding.

I looked down at the shattered remains of what had been a crystal serpent.  Lily had given it to me for my birthday.  It was the first birthday present I had ever received.  My family was never one for gifts.

Tears pricked at my eyes at the thought of Lily but I forced then down.  I had not spent fifteen years keeping my feeling hidden for nothing.  But then again, I never could hide my feelings for Lily.

The tears flowed freely as I pointed my wand at the fragments of glass and muttered, "_Reparo._"  The crystalline serpent reformed and I sat it on my desk again.  A spatter of warm liquid dripped on my hand and I brushed it away.

I would shed tears.

But I would not cry.

Damn that boy.  He brings far too many memories.  Lily, that bastard James, that equally annoying bastard Black, and, of course, Lupin.  Lupin, who was the only one who knew that Lily and I had ever been married besides Albus.

Damn that werewolf.

Damn everything.

I sneered and locked the door to my class, placing a note outside saying all classes were canceled.  Then I retreated to my rooms to brood in peace.

As I sat down by the merrily burning fire a thought crossed my mind.

What if the potion was right?

What if _Potter_ was – **_is_** – _my son_?

Lily's and mine.  Not that bastard, James, but _mine and Lily's_.

Lily _was_ pregnant then.  I knew that.  She told me.  But she never told me who the father was.  I've suspected James all these years.  After all, we were forced to keep up that damned charade for Voldemort.

But what if I've been wrong?

What if I've been treating that boy, _my son_, like a god damned bastard for nothing?

I sank my head into my hands and closed my eyes.

Merlin, what have I done?

_~*~_

_Don't pull too hard_

_Like a kite in the wind_

_You'll break your string_

_When I reel you in_

_Don't take off flying_

_All on your own_

_When you finally come knocking_

_When you finally come knocking_

_There'll be nobody home_

_Nobody home_

_~*~_

_A/N: I think the POV's turned out quite well.  What do you guys think?_


	5. The Wolf

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** The Wolf ***

_~*~_

_The wolf_

_Prowling in the nighttime_

_The wolf_

_Howling in the moonshine_

_The wolf_

_Gives you what you want_

_but he ain't no friend of mine_

_~*~_

Remus' POV 

Can I tell him?

Can I really tell him?

How can I even think of doing this?  How?

God, I almost still can't believe it.  Severus and Lily.  I never would have believed it if I hadn't walked in on them kissing in the prefects bathroom in fifth year.

But they don't know.

No one knows.

Nobody but me.

Only I know the truth.

And only because it was an accident.

Lily was crazy, sobbing loudly into the couch when I found her.  She told me everything.  I was the only one she could confide in.  James and Sirius were too set against Severus and Peter – damnit, Peter probably would have leapt at the news.  That son of a bitch.

But Lily confided in me.  _Me_.  She told me how she had spent the last few days with Severus while James was gone on that mission for Dumbledore.

Then she told me that she was pregnant.

With Severus' child.

God, what if James had found out?  What would he have done if he had known that Lily had only agreed to marry him to keep Severus safe?

Merlin, he would have gone ballistic.

_Ballistic._

Voldemort wouldn't have needed to kill them.  James would have done it well enough.  He could do serious damage when he was angry.

Then again, so could Severus.

I sighed.

Dear God, I don't want to be the one to tell Harry this.  That the name of the man he's known for fifteen years isn't really his father and instead it's one of the few people he hates.

It sounds crazy to me.

But I have to tell him.  I've kept this secret for too long.

But I'll tell Albus first.

He'd want to know.

I'm sure he doesn't.

Oh God, what am I going to tell Sirius?

_~*~_

_I know you're trying to track me down_

_You're right on my trail_

_You think you're going for the big big game_

_But you're chasing your own tail_

_~*~_

_A/N: I love POV's now.  Their so much fun!  I can really get into the char's heads.  And the angst I've been writing in them is even more fun!  ^^  *chuckle*  Review please._


	6. Some Things You Can Never Choose

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Some Things You Can Never Choose ***

_~*~_

_Hey baby I'm talking to you_

_Stop yourself and listen_

_Some things you can never choose_

_Even if you try, yeah_

_You're bangin' your head again_

_Cause somebody won't let you in_

_One chance . . . one love_

_Your chance to let me know_

_~*~_

_Tap tap._

"Come in."

Snape didn't bother looking up from a test he was grading to see who it was.

"Severus."

Snape looked up now.

Standing in his door was Remus Lupin.

"Remus?"

"Yes."

"You look – tired."

"Transformation two days ago."

Snape grimaced then asked, "What are you here for?"

"I have something to tell you, Severus.  Something about Lily."

The muscles in Snape's check jumped.

"S-something about L-Lily?"

"Yes."

Snape ran a hand back through his hair and growled, "Well, on with it."

Lupin shivered and whimpered, "Oh, I'm not sure if I should do this now.  But you have a right to know."

"Know what, Remus?"

"Lily was pregnant."

"I _know that_."

"It wasn't James'."

Snape blinked.

"Say that again."

"It wasn't James'.  Lily's baby wasn't James'."

Snape's eyes had grown wide by now as he hissed, "Are you implying that _I_ am."

"You were her _husband_, Severus.  We all know that she only lived with James to keep Voldemort from killing the both of you."

Snape looked down at the crystalline snake on his desk.

"Yet she was killed anyway."

"I know."

There was silence between them for a moment before Lupin said, "You have to tell him."

Snape scoffed.  "Yes, Lupin, I have to tell the bloody Boy Who Lived that that bastard James Potter who everyone adored isn't hit father and that _I_, an ex-_Death Eater_, am."

"He has to know, Severus."

"He does.  Whether he believes it or not is another matter."

Lupin blinked.

"What?"

"Tessarii Potion.  I called Potter up to test it."

"Oh God . . .  Did it – did it say anything?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"That I was his father."

"Merlin's beard, Severus.  You have to tell him.  _Everything._"

"Everything?"

"_Everything._"

Snape closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands.  After a moment he said, "I can't.  Remus, I _can't_.  I can't tell him what we went through during those years.  And I most certainly can't tell him about – about – that day."

Lupin looked at Snape with a pitying look on his face.  He said, "You don't have to, Severus."

"And if he wants to know?"

"Tell him."

"Damnit, Remus. _I can't!_"

"You have a Pensieve right?"

"Yes, ever since she died."

"Show him in that."

"God, Remus.  How do I do this?  The Boy Who Lived is mine.  My _son_.  Oh God."

"You'll get through this, Severus."

There was silence again then Snape asked, "Have you told, Albus."

Lupin shook his head.  "I was going to tell him first but I felt like I – owed it – to _her_ to tell you first."

"Thank you."

Lupin nodded then turned and left the room.

Snape looked after him for a moment then buried his head in his hands.

"Oh God."

************************

Harry stared at the fire in the Gryffindor common room, the sheet of paper that listed his father's, _his real father's_, name on it clutched tightly in his hand.  After a moment he looked down at it for the hundredth time and read those names again.

Suddenly the portrait hole opened and in stepped Snape – no, his father.

Several of the Gryffindors stared as Snape said, "Potter, follow me."

Harry sighed and rose, following his father out of the room.  As soon as they were out of the common room he said, "Yes, sir?"

"The Headmaster wants to run a test on you."

"For what?"

Snape frowned then said, "The identity of your real father."

Harry snapped, "James Potter is _my real father_."

"I was married to your mother for a whole year.  We continued to see each other afterwards without James' knowledge.  You could easily be mine."

"So you went behind his back?"

Snape's eyes darkened and he snarled, "No.  Lily – your mother only married that bastard because she had to.  Voldemort would have killed her otherwise and then _you_ wouldn't be here now arguing with me."

Harry's lips drew back in a sneer.  "You're_ not_ my father."

"We shall see."

With that Snape turned on a heel and walked off towards the Headmaster's office.  Harry followed him slowly, watching the dark Potions Master with narrowed eyes.

************************

"Tamerain Pie."

The gargoyle moved aside and Snape and Harry climbed up the moving staircase.  When they reached the top Snape knocked and Dumbledore's voice called, "Come in Severus, Harry."

Snape entered and Harry came in after him.  The first thing Harry noticed was the other person in the room.

"Professor Lupin?"

Lupin looked up, his face gray, and smiled slightly.  "Hello, Harry."

"Wh-what are you doing here?"

"To tell the truth."

"Pardon?"

"The truth, Harry.  Your mother told me who your father was when she found out she was pregnant."

Harry blinked.  He gasped, "It's not – oh, please, tell me its not."

"I'm sorry, Harry."

Dumbledore softly said, "Harry?"

"Yes, professor?"

"Though Remus may know who Lily said your father was, there is the possibility that she was wrong.  There is a test we can administer than can show up an image of your real parents."

Harry was silent for a moment then he said, "Do it."

"You understand . . ."

"Just do it, professor!  Please.  I have to know."

Dumbledore sighed and said, "As you wish, Harry."  He drew his wand and pointed it at Harry.

"_Parentela._"

A beam of dark purple light shot out of Dumbledore's wand and hit Harry in the chest.  Harry felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest.  But he clenched his teeth and beared it.

A few moments later a shadowy image of his mother appeared to his left, becoming more solid until it almost looked like you could touch her.  Her head barely reached his shoulder as she turned and smiled up at him.  Harry's throat closed up and he heard someone sob, but couldn't tell who.

Seconds later another shadowy form began to materialize on his right.  It was four inches taller than him and was simply a mass of shadows at the moment.

It then cleared.

Severus Snape was standing to his right.

Harry gasped and fell back against the wall.

Dumbledore removed the spell, causing the shadowy forms of Snape and Lily to vanish, and looked worriedly at him.

"Harry?"

Harry didn't meet his eyes.  Instead he looked at Lupin, who turned away from him, then at Snape – _his father_.

What he saw surprised him.

The man was crying.  Or at least it appeared he was.  There was no sound coming from him.  The only sign he was crying were the tears flowing down his sallow cheeks.

Harry couldn't stand it then.

He turned and fled from the office, running as fast as he could.

The last thing he heard as he charged down the moving stairs was his father's voice yelling, "_HARRY!_"

_~*~_

_Hey baby you know it's true_

_Why you bother lying when you know_

_That you want it too_

_Don't you dare deny me_

_Walk those legs right over here_

_Give me what I'm dying for_

_Once chance . . . one love_

_Hold me down never let me go_

_~*~_

_A/N: Tamerain – pronounced Tam-er-aye'n not Tame-rain.  And Parentela means Kin._


	7. Can’t Tell You What You’re Feeling Insid...

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Can't Tell You What You're Feeling Inside ***

_~*~_

_You've been hiding – never letting it show_

_Always trying to keep it under control_

_You got it down and you're well_

_On the way to the top_

_But there's something that you forgot_

_~*~_

Harry's POV 

No.

_No._

**_No._**

**_NO!_**

It can't be true, it can't!

I ran out of Dumbledore's office and down a hall.  What hall I don't know.  I didn't care where I went as long as it was as far away from Dumbledore's office as I could get.

He couldn't be my father.  He couldn't!  It's not possible!

It's a trick.  Yea, that's it.  A trick.  Everybody's decided to play a trick on poor ole' Harry Potter, the Boy With No Parents Because Voldemort Killed Them.

I plowed into somebody as I ran but kept going, even when they yelled "HEY!"  I couldn't stop, wouldn't stop.

He wasn't my father!

I fell against something, panting heavily.  Looking around, I saw that I was at the top of the Astronomy Tower.  Moving out onto the little ledge I looked down across the grounds, which were bathed in the light of the moon.

It was peaceful.

Then everything from the night hit me and the sense of peace shattered.  I fell back against the tower with a gasp.

'He isn't my father, he isn't my father' was what I repeated over and over in my head like a mantra.

But the truth was there.  It had shown itself in the Tessarii Potion and whatever spell Professor Dumbledore had used and in my sudden changes over the summer.

I slumped down to the floor as the words ricocheted around my skull.

_Severus Snape is my father._

************************

Snape's POV 

"HARRY!"

I tried to go after my son but Lupin, that god-be-damned werewolf caught me before I got two paces to the door.

"Let me go, Lupin!"

But the blasted werewolf didn't let me go.  Dammit.

"Severus, calm down."

"Calm down?  _CALM DOWN?  DAMMIT, REMUS, HE'S MY SON!_"

"I know."

I tried once more to get away from Lupin then finally gave up.  Fighting him was useless.  He was much stronger than me.

Lupin felt me relax and released me.

Big mistake.

I took off instantly, dashing out the door before he or Dumbledore could react.

Down the stairs, past the gargoyle, and straight down a hall.  I had no idea where Harry had gone but I kept on running.

I had to find him.

Before he did something we'd both regret.

Dammit, why didn't Lily tell me?  _Why?_  She told that ass, Lupin, but she didn't tell me.  _Me_, her _husband_.

Perhaps she didn't want to me have anything else to worry about.  I had worried constantly about her during those times; her, stuck in the same house with James Potter, the bastard who my son had to live under the shadow of because _Lily didn't tell me_.

Dammit, why?

I suddenly found myself at the door leading up to the Astronomy Tower.

Could he?

No, he wouldn't have.

Would he?

_Oh Merlin._

I flung open the door and dashed up the stairwell, taking the stairs two to three at a time.  Dammit, what if Harry had killed himself?  I'd never forgive myself if he had.

Ah, the top.

Moonlight, shadows, shape in the shadows.

Wait.

Shape in the shadows? 

**_Harry._**

It was.  It was Harry, sitting on the small ledge at the top of the tower.

I slowly stepped forward and softly said, "Harry?"

He turned to look at me with those eyes, the same eyes that have haunted me in my sleep for fifteen years.  Dammit, why did he have to have _her eyes_?

"Harry?"

Harry looked at me for a long while then turned his head away.  I took another step forward and said, "C'mon, Harry.  Come down from here."

Silence.

Then . . .

"I'm not going to jump."

I blinked.

"What?"

Harry looked at me and said, in a hollow voice, "I'm not going to jump.  That's what you're thinking wasn't it?"

I had to admit it was.

"Yes."

Harry snorted and turned his head away again.

I reached out to touch his shoulder and began, "Harry . . ."

He hissed and jerked away from me.  Eyes blazing points of emerald fire, he spat, "_Don't touch me._"

I felt something close over my heart and give my heartstrings a nice, good tug.  Damn, that hurt.  But what had I expected?  A big hug and then we're a happy family?  Pah.  Fairy tales.

Fairy tales don't exist.

Not for people like Harry and me at least.

We live in the darker bit of the world, the part no one wants to see.

Me, I was a Death Eater.  And Harry, he's the Boy Who Lived.

And my son.

_A Death Eater's son._

Dammit, how I wish I could change that.  Make life be a fairy tale.

But like I said, fairy tales don't exist for Harry and me.

"Alright, Harry.  But at least come down."

"I will when I'm ready."

"Harry . ."

Those emerald eyes blazed at me again and I was forced to relent.  That was my glare.  Dammit, that was _me_ glaring at me in anger, wanting me to go away.

But it was Lily as well.

I sighed.

"Alright, Harry.  Goodnight."

The emerald eyes narrowed and the voice snapped coldly, "Good_night_, professor."

That hurt.  I didn't show it on the outside but that little word tugged at my heartstrings again.  Dammit, my own son hated me.

But that was to be expected.

What else had I shown him but hate?

Nothing.  Nothing at all.

I had given him insult after insult, detention after detention.  And I never wondered _once_ if he might actually be _my son_.

I left the Astronomy Tower.  I couldn't stand to be there anymore and Harry didn't want me there.

He didn't want me at all.

A weight settled over my heart as I slowly went down the stairwell.

I retreated to my rooms.  My dreary, dark rooms in the dungeons.

My sanctuary.

With a heavy heart and mind, I sank into a chair by the fire.

Where did it all go wrong?

_~*~_

_I can't tell you what you're feeling inside_

_I can't sell you what you don't want to buy_

_Something's missing and you got to_

_Look back on your life_

_You know something here just ain't right_

_~*~_


	8. Shooting in the Dark

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Shooting in the Dark***

_~*~_

_Caught you in the act – can't put up with that_

_Messing where you shouldn't be_

_I wanna hear you say you're sorry_

_Cause nobody takes advantage of me_

_~*~_

Harry wandered into the Gryffindor common room at almost one in the morning and found a bleary-eyed Hermione and Ron sitting in front of the fire.  They had obviously been waiting on him.

"Harry?"

Hermione rose from her seat and walked towards him but he took a step back.  She stopped and watched him with sad brown eyes.

"Harry, what's wrong?"

Harry shook his head and choked out, "Nothing's wrong, Herm.  Nothing at all."

Hermione reached out to touch his shoulder as she began, "Harry . . ."

Harry jerked back from her hand and hissed, "Don't.  Don't _touch me._"

Tears pricked at the corners of Hermione's eyes and Harry kicked himself mentally.

Ron rose from his chair and said, "Harry, mate."

Harry looked at him and saw a crumpled piece of paper in his friend's hand.  A paper that looked startlingly familiar.

Then it hit him.

_Oh shit._

"Ron . . ."

"Couldn't tell us the truth?  Couldn't stand it?"

Harry choked out, "Ron, please.  I didn't know."

Ron rolled his eyes and spat, "Sure you didn't."

Harry clenched his hands and growled, "I didn't!  Ron, you've got to believe me!"

"Why should I?" asked Ron, stubbornly.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, RON!  WHY WOULD I LIE TO YOU?"

Ron frowned at him and muttered, "You've done it before."

Harry forced down tears that were threatening to rise.  It was too much, too much in one night.

"Ron, please.  I _swear_ I didn't know."

Ron looked at him skeptically and Hermione asked, "What are you two talking about?"

"Here."

Ron shoved the sheet of paper into Hermione's hands and she blinked.

"What?  Ron?  Oh my God . . ."  She looked up at Harry and their eyes locked.  Her's blurred with tears as she said, "Oh Harry . . ."

Harry turned away from her and glared at Ron.  He said slowly, "If you think for _one moment_ that I knew about this, you're damn wrong.  And if you're going to blame me for not knowing, then _DAMN YOU!!_"  With that Harry turned on a heel and stormed up the steps to the boy's dorm.  The door slammed behind him and Hermione winced.  She turned to Ron and said, "Ron . . ."

Ron shook his head and turned away from her, returning to his seat by the fire.

Hermione looked after him, the tears that had blurred her eyes before now falling.

************************

The next morning Harry and Ron avoided each other like the plague.  Hermione didn't try to force them to apologize.  She didn't feel Harry needed to.

After all, Ron had been the one to accuse Harry, not the other way around.

Their first class that day was Transfiguration.  Harry sat in the back, his head turned away towards the wall.  Ron sat directly at the front, not looking back once, and Hermione sat beside Harry.  She was too angry at Ron at the moment.

"Harry?"

Harry turned his head toward her and asked in a hollow voice, "What is it, Herm?"

"I – I just wanted to know if you're okay."

Harry laughed harshly and Hermione winced.

"No, Herm.  I am _far_ from being okay."

They had not talked any after that and did not speak again until lunch.

************************

At lunch Harry had the misfortune to run straight into Snape as the Potions Master left the hall.

The older man blinked and said, "Harry.  Harry, I have to talk to you."

Harry glared up at him and snarled, "Well, I don't want to talk to you, _professor_."

Snape frowned and said, "Harry . . ."

"No."

"Harry, just for a moment.  Please."

Harry's eyes narrowed and he spat, "_No,_" then plowed past Snape into the hall.  Snape looked after him for a moment then cursed under his breath and walked away towards the dungeons.

Hermione watched all this and felt sorry for Snape.  The man really was trying.  She could see that.

But Harry didn't want that.

With a sigh she entered the hall and sat down beside Harry.  The two of them said nothing to each other and the only time Harry looked up from his plate was to glare down the table at Ron.

_~*~_

_You're missing the mark – shooting in the dark_

_I'm pulling the wool from my eyes_

_Baby don't you push me further_

_It's gonna hurt you if it happens twice_

_~*~_


	9. To Carry Me Through

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own The Calling or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** To Carry Me Through ***

_~*~_

_I want love_

_To carry me through_

_All the moments, I'd kindly undo_

_Locked away_

_So I can feel safe_

_~*~_

Snape's POV 

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

I stormed down to my rooms in the dungeons after confronting Harry outside the Great Hall.  As soon as I was inside, I picked up a table and hurled it across the room.  It shattered against the wall with a satisfying clatter.  Growling, I threw myself into a chair by the fire.

Dammit all, he wouldn't even _talk_ to me.

But what had I expected?

As I sat brooding the door opened and Lupin entered.  I scowled furiously at him, hoping he'd go away.

He didn't.

Dammit, why can't anyone leave me alone?

"Severus?"

I lifted my eyes to look into Lupin's gray and spat, "Lupin."

He winced.  I only call him Lupin around students and when I am angry.

"Severus, you have to give him some time."

I arched an eyebrow.

"Who?"

Lupin frowned at me and replied, "You know who I'm talking about, Severus."

"I'm sad to say I don't."

"Harry, you ass!"

I frowned now.  It was unlike Lupin to curse.

"What about Harry?"

"I saw you two run into each other outside the Hall.  You're pushing too hard, Severus.  You have to give him time to adjust to this."

I looked stonily at him and snarled, "And if he doesn't?"

Lupin frowned and replied, "Just let him adjust, Severus."

I scowled at him.

But he was right.  Dammit, why is the werewolf always right?

If I pushed Harry too hard to accept me, he might never do so.  But then again, if I _didn't_ push him, he might not accept me anyway.

Not a real win-win situation.

"Fine.  I'll let him adjust."

Lupin nodded.

"That's all I ask, Severus."

I growled something unintelligible and turned my chair away from him.  He obviously took the hint because he left a moment later.

Sighing, I leaned back into the chair, closing my eyes.

What if Harry never accepted the truth?

Would he go dark?

My eyes snapped open at the thought.

Merlin, no, don't even _think_ about that.  Harry would never go dark.  _NEVER._

Or would he?

Those questions rattled around my head even as I rose and went to prepare for my first class

_~*~_

_Now that I'm down on my knees, begging for change_

_Look down at the water_

_Before I jump in_

_To find that I'm sinking fast, in all that might have been_

_~*~_


	10. And I Know Life Ain't Easy

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own The Calling or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

**Warning:** Suicide implied in this chapter

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** And I Know Life Ain't Easy ***

_~*~_

_Well I would like to think_

_The world hasn't seen_

_That all the best is still to come,_

_and I know life ain't easy_

_~*~_

Hermione's POV 

Oh, for God's sake, why can't Ron get his broomstick out of his ass?  He's been acting like – like – dammit, he's been acting like Malfoy!  God, I feel like punching him – just try to knock some sense into his foolish head.  How could he?  How could he treat Harry this way just because his father is Professor Snape?  God, he's a fool.  He's breaking his _friendship_ up just because his best friends father is the most hated professor in the school!

Oh, and speaking of the idiot ass, there he is, coming right into the common room and sprawling on the couch.  Now he's glaring at the fire.  He doesn't even notice I'm here.  Ha, serve him right to get surprised.  The jerk.

I wonder where Harry is.  Maybe I should go find him.  It'd be better than sticking around here and watching Ron glare at the fireplace.  Perhaps I should tell Fred and George to play a few pranks on Ron.  Maybe.

I am going to go find Harry now.

I closed my diary and went silently upstairs to put it away in my trunk.  Ron never even noticed I had moved.  He never even said anything till I came back downstairs and was walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

I turned around and replied, "Out."

"To find Harry?"

"What does it matter to you, Ron?"

Ron growled, "It doesn't."

I frowned, my temper rising.  It rarely does that.

"Ron, you ignorant bastard.  Haven't you even thought about what Harry's feeling right now?"

"Very smug, most likely."

_SMACK._

My hand made a satisfying clap as it hit Ron's cheek and he stared at him as my hand stood out in livid red on his cheek.

I snarled, "You know, Ron, its not nice to judge people.  Especially not Harry!  He won't even _talk_ to Professor Snape, so I don't think he's too happen about the news."

"How do you know that?"

"I just happened to be standing outside the Great Hall with Professor Snape tried to talk to Harry.  He basically told him to shove off."

"_What?_"

"You heard me.  So you go and apologize to your friend or I swear to _God_ I will make your life a living Hell."

Ron stared at me and I took that moment to turn on my heel and leave.  Ha ha, bet he hadn't expected that.  Hermione Granger, losing her temper.  Ah, now _that's_ a sight.

I laughed to myself then stopped as soon as I found I was outside an empty classroom.  Inside I could hear muffled sobs.  Moving closer to the door, I listened for a moment then gently pushed it open.  Peeking around, I saw something that made my eyes widen in horror.

Harry sat curled into a ball in a corner of the room, sobs wracking his form.  His long hair nearly completely hid his face but I could see flashes of red across it.

Oh God.

He's tried to kill himself.

I moved into the room and walked over to him.  He never even looked up and I knelt down beside him and gently pushed his hair back from his tear-streaked and bloody face.

Oh, Harry.  Why?  Why would you want to do this?

I spotted more blood clotted on his wrist and had to cover my mouth in horror.

_Oh God._

"Harry?  Harry, c'mon, we've got to get you up to the Hospital Wing."

"No."

I blinked.

"Harry, c'mon, you can't stay here."

Harry shook his head, causing his hair to fall back over his face, and muttered, "Can."

"Harry . . ."

"No, no, no, no, no."

I sighed and whispered, "I'm sorry, Harry."  Drawing my wand, I tapped Harry's bowed head and whispered, "_Dormio._"  Harry slumped forward, falling into me.  I sighed and gently ran my hand through his hair before putting him into a laying position on the floor and levitating him into the air.  Covering his face with his hair and his wrists with his cloak, I left the room with his body floating gently behind me.

~*~

"What in all Merlin happened?" was the first thing Madam Pomfrey asked when I entered the Hospital Wing.  I quickly replied, "We were working on a potion Professor Snape told us about today.  One of the vials exploded."

Madam Pomfrey gave me a critical look but took the lie.  She turned over to Harry, who was lying on his side on one of the beds.  Picking up one of his wrists, she muttered, "This doesn't look like a cut from flying glass."

I kept my face as neutral as I could and said, "Really?"  Madam Pomfrey frowned at me and I smiled.  I doubt Harry would want anyone to know what he had tried to do.  So I stood and watched as Madam Pomfrey cleaned the blood from his face and wrists then healed the cuts as best she could.  She walked off after twitching a blanket over him and then I moved towards the bed.

Harry lay quietly on the bed, his long hair partly covering his face.  Suddenly a thought hit me.  Snape was Harry's father, yet the only thing that had changed about Harry's appearance was his height and hair.  Lifting my wand, I touched both of my eyes with the tip and whispered, "_Veritas._"

_~*~_

_I pass them sleeping on the streets_

_Their bloodstained hands and dirty feet_

_And I can't ignore them_

_Any more that I already have_

_~*~_

_Veritas - Truth_


	11. Shouldn't Hold Me Back

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own The Calling or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

**Warning:** Suicide implied in this chapter

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Shouldn't Hold Me Back ***

_~*~_

_If I give up on you I give up on me_

_If we fight what's true, will we ever be_

_Even God himself and the faith I knew_

_Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you_

_~*~_

Harry's POV 

I woke up in a bright, warm place.  Blinking, I sat up and found myself in the Hospital Wing.

Then I remembered

The knife.

The blood.

The longing for death.

_Hermione._

Quickly, I scanned the room but saw no sign of Hermione, or in fact, anyone.  Sighing, I leaned back against the pillows, my mind roving over what I should do next.

Snape was my father

I had accepted that.

Bit I hadn't accepted that I was his son.

Turning onto my side, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

~*~

"Hermione, what's wrong with you?"

"Huh?"

Hermione blinked and looked up from her plate at Ginny.  She asked, "What did you say, Ginny?"

Ginny frowned and replied, "You've been acting weird since yesterday.  What's going on, Hermione?"

Hermione shook her head.

"Nothing."

"But –"

"Its _nothing_, Ginny."

Hermione grabbed her bag and rose, storming out of the Hall.  But instead of going to her first class (DADA), she went outside and sat down in the shade of a large oak.  Reaching into her bag, she drew out a thin book.  Opening it, she flipped through the sketches, early one's of Hogwarts, the professors (even Snape), and many of the students.  No one knew of her drawing habit and she had kept it that way.

Sighing, she flipped on through a hasty Basilisk sketch, several of Ron and Harry, a whole page devoted to sketches of the Goblet of Fire and the dragons from the First Task, and her favorite, one of Draco bouncing from ceiling to floor as a white ferret by Professor Moody.  Smiling at the memory, she flipped to her latest sketch.

It was of Harry.

On one side of the paper was a sketch of Harry as he had appeared on Platform 9 ¾, tall with a curtain of dark hair but undoubtly the same Harry.  But on the other side of the paper was the image she had seen after she had cast the Veritas spell.

It was almost an exact replica of Severus Snape.  Pale skin, sharp, high cheekbones, slightly slanted eyes and thin, arched eyebrows.  The only thing that wasn't Snape was the rounded chin, perfectly straight nose, and brilliant green eyes.

That was what Harry really looked like.

Hermione felt tears on her cheeks as she looked at the two sketches.  Brushing them away, she closed the book and shoved it back into her bag before rising and heading back up to the castle.

~*~

Harry crept out of the Hospital Wing and hour after he woke up.  He stole through the halls, ignoring the fact that Defense Against the Dark Arts had already started.

He hadn't been intending to go to class anyway.

Dodging around a group of first years by taking a passage hidden behind a tapestry, he headed for the Astronomy Tower.  He needed peace and quiet.

And he was going to get just that.

Once at the top of the tower, he walked out on the ledge and sat down, his legs dangling over.  Looking down, he saw the ground far below, looking like a sea of emeralds.  After a long while, or so it seemed, he rose and started to walk back down the staircase.  At the door leading back in he paused.

A second later he ran and dove over the edge

_~*~_

_I can feel the blood rushing through my veins_

_When I hear your voice, driving me insane_

_Hour after hour day after day_

_Every lonely night that I sit and pray_

_~*~_

_A/N: More suicidal tendencies.  And a cliffie._


	12. Back in Your Cage

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Lifehouse or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Back In Your Cage ***

_~*~_

_Catch your breath_

_Hit the wall_

_Scream out loud_

_As you start to crawl_

_~*~_

A tiny orb on Dumbledore's desk flashed red and the old wizard looked at it.  Second later, he was charging down the halls towards the entrance hall.

Someone had jumped off the Astronomy Tower.

~*~

Harry's POV 

"Dammit."

I growled a few choice words and pushed myself up off the ground.  Looking back up at the top of the Astronomy Tower, I cursed.

Must've charmed it so anyone who jumped wouldn't kill themselves.  Handy.

I frowned.

But not for me.

Can't I just _die?_

Why does everyone have to get in my way?

_Because they love you,_ said a little voice in my head.

Love?

I laughed, hard and cold.

Pish and sod.  No one would care if I died.

Well, Voldemort might.  But who cares what he thinks?

I don't.

I sighed.

Maybe I should get back inside.

I turned and walked away from the bottom of the Astronomy Tower.

I never noticed that my glasses were lying crushed in the grass.

~*~

Dumbledore's POV 

I arrived at the bottom of the Astronomy Tower and found no body lying on the grass.

_Probably recovered and went back inside,_ I thought as I turned to leave.  Then something glinted in the grass and I bent to pick it up.

I came back up with a pair of round, black glasses, their lenses shattered.  Only a few pieces of glass still clung to the inside whilst the rest was scattered in the grass, glittering brightly in the morning sun.

But I did not need to fix the glasses to know whose they were.

I had seen them before.

Several times in fact.

On the face of Harry Potter.

_~*~_

_Back in your cage_

_The only place_

_Where they will_

_Leave you alone_

_~*~_


	13. In Your Search to Find

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Lifehouse or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** In Your Search to Find ***

_~*~_

_Locked inside_

_The only place_

_Where you feel sheltered_

_Where you feel safe_

_~*~_

When Harry arrived back at Gryffindor Tower, he was confronted by Ron.  Harry blinked then narrowed his eyes and snapped, "What?"

Ron frowned and replied, "I wanted to apologize.  I acted like a git.  It doesn't matter who your parents are, you're still you."

Harry wanted to laugh at him but instead found himself saying, "Thanks, Ron."

"Welcome.  Friends?"

"Friends."

Ron smiled then headed up into the fifth year boy's dorm.  If anyone had been left in the common room they would have seen a shadow cross Harry face, turning it stony and cold.

A cruel smile played across Harry's lips as he whispered, "Friends for now at least."

~*~

In the dungeons, Snape sat in his rooms at a table.  Before him sat a shallow bowl filled with a silvery substance.  Snape stared at it in fear for a moment then tentatively reached out and touched it and brushed the silver liquid with a long finger.  A moment later, he was looking at his own memories.

(note: In Sev's memory I refer to him as Snape and the younger Sev as Severus)

_He was in the Slytherin dorms, lying in his bed.  Lily, her fiery red hair splayed out across the dark green sheets, lay in his arms.  Snape watched his and Lily's younger selves as they woke, Severus smiling and gently kissing Lily.  Lily smiled in return, her green eyes dazzling in the dark light of the dungeons._

_Snape felt tears on his cheeks at the memory.  He remembered this night well.  How could he not?  It was the first time he and Lily had given themselves to each other.  They were fifteen and had been hopelessly falling for each other for two years.  Young Severus had only four more years with Lily before his father forced him to join the Death Eaters by threatening to kill Lily._

_There was – had been – no choice but to give into the dark and let Lily, his love, his **life**, slip away._

_Right into the arms of James Potter._

_Snape frowned at the memory and turned away from the two teens in the bed._

_But the memories wouldn't go away._

_Instead the room about him shifted, changing into the home he and Lily had shared for two years.  Snape closed his eyes as the voices stretched from the past into the present through the pensieve._

_"Lily?"_

_"Sev?  Is something wrong?"_

_Severus nodded and rolled up the left sleeve of his robes.  Lily gasped, eyes growing wide, and leapt to her feet, moving to hug her husband._

_"Oh, Sev."_

_"It's okay, Lil."_

_"No.  No, it's not okay, Severus!"_

_"No, its not."_

_Lily looked up at Severus and said, "There was something else wasn't there?"_

_Severus and Snape both turned their faces away from her.  Snape remembered her expression and young Severus did not want to see it._

_"Sev?"_

_"You.  I – I didn't want to join them, baby."_

_"I know, I know."_

_"But I have to.  I **had to**."_

_Lily leaned against Severus and he wrapped his arms around her.  Snape watched them with a longing expression.  He wanted to go through this again, even if he knew the outcome.  He wanted to have Lily, his Lily, in his arms, feel her hair against his cheek, her skin under his fingertips._

_But all he had was this._

_The memories._

_"Sev –"_

_"They threatened you.  My father said he'd kill you himself if I didn't join them."_

_Lily's green eyes filled with tears._

_"Oh, Sev."_

_"There's something else, Lil."_

_Green eyes stared up into black and Snape closed his eyes as Lily cried out "No!" and buried herself in Severus' arms._

_"Lily, baby –"_

_"No!  No, Sev!  I won't leave you to face this alone!"_

_Severus' arms tightened about Lily._

_"But you have to, baby.  You have to be safe.  I **need** you safe."_

_"What about you?"_

_"I'll be fine.  Don't you worry."_

_Lily sighed and lay her head against his shoulder._

_"What should I do?"_

_"Go.  Leave me."_

_"What?  Sev, no.  I won't divorce you just for this!  Its what they want!"_

_Severus grasped Lily's face, tilting it upwards, and said, "You must.  They always get what they want, one way or another."_

_"We could act.  We could get a false divorce."_

_"Lil –"_

_"I WON'T LEAVE YOU TO FACE THIS ALONE!  YOU HEAR ME, SEVERUS SNAPE?  I WON'T!  I WON'T, I WON'T, I WON'T!"_

_Lily broke down into sobs and Severus hugged her close, whispering soft, soothing words, running his fingers over her back and through her hair.  Snape turned away from them and felt himself being drawn out of the pensieve._

Back in his rooms in the dungeons, Snape howled with grief and rage, sending his chair smashing into the wall in one fluid motion.  He howled out curses against the Fates, Voldemort, himself, Potter, Black, Lupin, and even Lily herself.  He went on that way for hours.  The ghosts avoided the dungeons, even the Bloody Baron, as this went on.  The Slytherins abandoned their dormitory for the Great Hall as their Head of House howled out his rage, frustration, and grief, the cries echoing through the dungeons, and then fell silent after nearly three hours non-stop.

And even after that they did not return to the dungeons.  They were scared, more so **of** their Head of House than **for** him.

_~*~_

_You lost yourself_

_In your search to find_

_Something else_

_To hide behind_

_~*~_

_A/N: What do you guys think of the part with Sev?  I think it turned out well._


	14. See the Consequence

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Lifehouse or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** See the Consequence ***

_~*~_

_The fearful always prey upon your confidence_

_Did they see the consequence_

_When they pushed you around_

_The arrogant build kingdoms made of different one's_

_Breaking them 'til they've become just another crown_

_~*~_

"Severus?"

Dumbledore eased open the door and entered the chaos that was the Potions Master's rooms.  Books were scattered across the stone floor along with the remains of a table, two bookshelves, and several chairs.  From a door to his left came the sound of shattering glass, followed by a howl of anguish.  Dumbledore rushed forward into the room but stopped abruptly just inside the door.

The chaos in this room was even more profound that that in the main room.  This was the room Snape used to brew his personal potions and it was normally kept straight and clean.  But now the long table that had been in the center of the room was flipped onto its side, its contents shattered on the floor and wall, causing various results.  A glass vial full of a murky green liquid suddenly sailed past Dumbledore's head and smashed against the wall, releasing a horrid stench.  Dumbledore looked in the direction from which it had come from and saw Snape sitting on the floor, back against the wall, legs tucked up to his chest.  His long hair was tangled and even greasier than normal, faint green streaks beginning to show in it.  Tears trailed down his pale cheeks and his dark eyes had the same haunted look they had had when Dumbledore had finally managed to get him released from Azkaban fifteen years ago.  He threw another vial across the room then looked up at Dumbledore.

"I killed her," he whispered in a hushed, fragile voice.

Dumbledore swept across the room and pulled the younger man into his arms.  He knew exactly what Snape was talking about.

"You did what you thought was best, Severus."

Snape cried, "But I still killed her!  _I_ send her to Potter, thinking she'd be safe.  But she wasn't!  _AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!_"  He broke down into fresh tears and howls of grief and Dumbledore held him tight.  Only once before had the two men been in this position.

And that was the day Lily had died.

Dumbledore suddenly spotted the Pensieve sitting on the floor a few feet away and said, "You looked back, didn't you, Severus?"

Snape nodded numbly, whimpering softly.

"Oh, Severus, poor boy.  Why do you do this to yourself?" asked Dumbledore, obviously talking to himself.  He then pulled the Potions Master to his feet with a grunt and dragged him out of the lab, through the main room, then into the bedroom on the other side.  Easing the younger man into the bed, Dumbledore covered him then found a vial of Dreamless Sleep Potion in a cupboard across the room.  After giving it to Snape, he began to straighten the other rooms.

~*~

Snape woke late into the night and found himself in a bed.  A warm hand suddenly touched his forehead and he jerked away with a gasp, curling up into a ball, his back to whoever it was.  He had one terrifying thought that he had become unconscious during one of Voldemort's torture sessions and was still at the Riddle house.  But then a gentle voice he knew well shattered that dark thought.

"Severus?"

Snape only curled tighter and squeezed his eyes shut.  A hand slowly ran up and down his back and the voice said, "Severus, boy, look at me."

Snape rolled over reluctantly and looked up into the bright blue eyes of Dumbledore.  He shuddered and whispered, "Please.  Leave me alone."

"Severus –"

"Albus, _please_.  I – I want to be alone right now."

Dumbledore nodded and rose.  As he started to leave, he paused in the doorway and said, "Come to my office when you feel better, Severus."

"I will."

Dumbledore left and Snape rolled back over, his eyes focusing on a portrait hung on the wall.  It was one of the few wizard photographs he had of himself and Lily.  The two of them stood in the center of the Great Hall, Severus' arm thrown about Lily's shoulders and her own slung around his waist.  They had convinced Remus to take the picture.  Snape watched as his and Lily's seventeen-year-old selves waved at him then kissed.  Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks as he closed his eyes and curled up into a tight ball, the image of himself and Lily imprinted on his eyelids.

_~*~_

_Refuse to feel, anything at all_

_Refuse to slip_

_Refuse to fall_

_Can't be weak_

_Can't stand still_

_You watch your back_

_'Cause no one will_

_~*~_

_A/N: *sniff*  Poor Sevvie…_


	15. Screaming in Tongues

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Lifehouse or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Screaming in Tongues ***

_~*~_

_Too many voices_

_It won't take long_

_Which one's right, which one's wrong_

_Yours is most likely to be misunderstood_

_~*~_

Hermione came down into the common room and saw Harry sitting in front of the fire.  She paused on the stairs for a moment then wandered over to him.

"Did Ron apologize?"

Harry nodded and said icily, "He did."

"Harry, is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong, Hermione.  Everything's fine.  Just sodding well _fine_."

Hermione frowned.

"Okay, now I _know_ something's wrong."

Harry turned his head to look up at her and said, enunciating each word, "Noting is wrong, Hermione."

"Fine.  But – I have something to show you."

"Go right ahead."

Hermione frowned again then went upstairs, returning with the small book that held her drawings.  Handing it to Harry, she said, "Look at this."

Harry frowned at her for a moment then opened the book, his eyebrows arching slightly.  He flipped through the sketches up to the one of Draco the Ferret and Mad-Eye Moody then looked up at her, one eyebrow arched.

"What exactly am I looking for?"

Hermione looked down at the floor and muttered, "Just look at the last sketch."

Harry did so.  He stared at it for a moment then rose angrily to his feet.  His anger practically rolled off him in waves.  He glared down at Hermione and spat, "Is this some kind of joke?  If it is, I don't find it in the least bit funny."

Hermione shook her head.  "It's not a joke, Harry.  I cast the Veritas spell after I took you to the Hospital Wing."  She laid a finger on the sketch that was a near likeness of Snape and said, "_That_ is the real you."

A murderous look crossed Harry's features, turning them stony, and his eyes seemed to glow with an inner light as he snapped the book shut, nearly catching he fingers in it.  He snarled, "How dare you?  _How dare you?_"

"He's your father, Harry."

"_HE IS NOT MY FATHER!!_"

Harry glowered at her and added in a low hiss, "Malfoy did something to his potions that day.  It was _wrong_."

Hermione frowned and said, "Harry, you're in denial –"

She never got to finish as Harry roared, "I AM NOT IN DENIAL!"

A voice from the second year girl's dorm suddenly yelled, "Go to sleep!"  Harry bellowed in returned, "SOD OFF!"  He then turned back on Hermione, eyes blazing with white-hot fury, and pointed a finger at her.  After a moment he snarled, "First Ron, now you.  AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD RON TO APOLOGIZE!"

Hermione's temper was now up as well as she yelled, "I SAW WHAT I SAW, HARRY!"

"THEN YOU SAW WRONG!"

"I would never lie to you, Harry."

Harry's eyes narrowed dangerously and he spat, "Go away, Hermione.  Or you'll regret us ever becoming friends."

Tears filled Hermione's eyes as she cried, "_I already do!_"

Harry's face twisted in rage and he stormed out of Gryffindor Tower, throwing Hermione's sketchbook to the floor.  Hermione sank down beside it as the Fat Lady's portrait closed after him, picking up her sketchbook and hugging it to her chest as hot tears streaming down her face.

~*~

Harry's POV 

Damn her.  Damn her, damn her, damn her.

How could she do this to me?  I thought she was my friend!  I thought they both were my friends.

_Looks can be deceiving_ said a cruel little voice in my head.

I nodded, agreeing with it.

_They don't really like you, you know.  They just want a bit of fame._

Behind that voice I heard another voice crying out.

Harry, don't listen to him!  Ron and Hermione are your friends!  They'd do anything for you and you know it! No, I don't, I replied. 

_Harry, c'mon.  This isn't right_, said the little voice.

_Don't listen to him, Harry.  He's a fool.  This **is** right.  Listen to me, not him_, said the cruel voice, which was louder now, slowly overpowering the other voice.  The little voice was suddenly silenced, its cries of _Harry, don't listen!_ Slowly fading away, leaving the cruel voice to resound in Harry's head.

_You know what we should do, Harry?_ asked the voice.

I shook my head and the voice seemed to smirk.

_We should have some fun.  Perhaps with a certain **Ferret**?_

I blinked then smiled, a cold, cruel smile.

Malfoy.  I could make him _suffer_ for the past four years.  Yes, he would suffer _dearly_.

As I planned my revenge on Malfoy, the voice laughed.

_~*~_

_Screaming in tongues_

_On the top of my lungs_

_'Til I find you, 'til you found me_

_Somehow I always knew that you would_

_And I am contemplating matters_

_All this cling and clatter_

_~*~_

_A/N: Next up, Draco and Harry.  The evilness abounds…_


	16. Sound of Silence Now

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Lifehouse or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Sound of Silence Now***

_~*~_

_In my head, and what you said_

_Is ringing, ringing faster_

_And it's all good if you would_

_Stop the world from making sense_

_And if I could just realize_

_It doesn't really matter_

_~*~_

Draco Malfoy lay in his bed in the Slytherin dorms; sound asleep until a skittering noise woke him.  Sitting up, he looked around the dark room but saw nothing out of the ordinary.  As he began to slide back under his warm blankets, a cold, empty voice echoed about the room.

"Leaving so soon, Malfoy?  I thought we could have some fun."

Draco leapt out of his bed to the rug covered stone floor, grabbed his wand from the bedside table and peered around the room, gray eyes wide.

"Who are you?"

The voice laughed coldly and said, "Surely you recognize me, _Ferret._"

Draco's eyes narrowed as he spat, "Weasley."

The voice laughed again.

"Ron?  Please.  He doesn't have the guts to sneak into the Slytherin dorms."

Draco frowned then sneered, realizing who it was.

"_Potter._"

Harry pulled back the invisibility cloak's hood, his emerald eyes shining inhumanly in the dark dorm.  He smirked, "The one and only."

Draco snarled, "What do you want, Potter?"

"Oh, I want a good bit, Malfoy.  A good, hearty bit.  Are you willing to pay?"

"Pay what?"  Draco crossed his arms defiantly and Harry smirked.  The Slytherin boy had to admit he was scared of Harry at the moment.  But he wasn't going to let the Gryffindor know that.

Harry continued to smirked as he said, "Pay the piper, Malfoy.  I want just one thing."  He tiled his head to the side and continued, "It's quite simply really."

Draco frowned and snapped, "Stop talking in riddles, Potter."

Harry's eyes darkened and his smirked tuned into a cruel smile.

"So be it.  _Expelliarmus._"

Draco's wand flew into Harry's hand and he tucked it into his robes before pointing his wand at Draco and saying, "You and I are going for a little walk, Malfoy."

Draco hissed, "I'm not going anywhere with _you_, Potter."

"I'm afraid you don't have choice in the matter._  Petrificus Totalus._"

Draco's arms and legs snapped together and Harry laughed.  He waved his wand at the other boy and muttered, "_Morbilicorpus_," causing Draco to float up into the air.  Harry then turned and walked out of the Slytherin dorms, Draco drifting after him.

~*~

"Where are we going, Potter?"

Harry had given Draco his mouth back as soon as they'd left the Slytherin dorms and had begun walking down the dark halls.  Harry smirked at him over his shoulder and cryptically replied, "You'll find out soon enough."

Draco frowned then heard a 'meow' at his hovering feet.  Looking down, he saw Mrs. Norris' lamp-like eyes peering up at him.  Harry spat out a curse and kicked the cat, who flew off hissing and spitting.  The teen snarled incoherently and turned to glare at Draco.  He sneered, "Well, it seems we have a problem."

Draco drawled, "Maybe you should let me go."

"Without letting you see what I have planned?  I think not," snapped Harry, whirling around in a way that reminded Draco strongly of Snape.  He snarled over his shoulder, "Just keep your mouth shut or I'll make sure you don't speak again.  _Ever._"

Draco frowned but kept his mouth shut as Harry walked on, giving his wand a little jerk to pull Draco in the right direction.

Just as they turned a corner, Filch appeared, Mrs. Norris at his heels.  Harry set a quicker pace as Filch said, "There's no one here, my sweet," and Mrs. Norris meowed balefully.  He pulled a piece of parchment from his pocket, looked at it for a moment, then walked over to the wall.  Moving aside a tapestry of a dragon chasing a group of wizards, he tapped the wall with his wand and muttered something.  The wall slid back and Harry turned back to Draco, jerking him forward again.  As they vanished into the dark corridor behind the wall, the wall slid closed and the tapestry fell back into place just as Filch rounded the corner.

~*~

The wall reopened and Harry poked his head out of the corridor from behind a tapestry of a griffin.  He looked around then stepped out into the hall, Draco floating after him. Draco looked around and saw that they were right by the Astronomy Tower.  He blinked then gasped, "What are you planning, Potter?"  Harry simply smiled coldly at him and replied, "You'll find out in a moment, Malfoy."

With that they began to climb the spiral staircase leading up to the top of the tower.  Once there, their robes were whipped by a fierce, cold wind.  Harry took off the invisibility cloak and tucked it into his robes.  Walking over to the edge of the small platform, he looked down for a moment then turned back to Draco.  Smiling coldly, he said, "It's a long way down, Malfoy.  Care to see how far exactly?"

Draco's eyes went wide.  He could no longer hide his fear now.

But he could still be sarcastic.

"No thanks, Potter.  Why don't you see how far down it is?"

"I already have."

Draco blinked.  "What"

Harry said again, "I already have, Malfoy."

"B – but you should be dead after a fall like that."

Harry smirked.

"Yes, I should, shouldn't I?  Yet, here I am."  He spread his arms wide as he said this and continued, "And now you'll take the fall."

"Why me?"

Harry arched an eyebrow.

"You have to ask?

"Yes."

Harry laughed then said, "Y'know, I think I may miss you, Malfoy."  He pushed Draco over the edge then added, "Wait, no I won't."

Draco look down at the ground in horror then back up at Harry, gray eyes wide.  He begged, "Please, Harry, don't do this."

The cruel voice that had been whispering to Harry faltered and the little voice clawed its way out of its hole, staying up long enough to shout _HARRY, DON'T DO IT!_

_Sod off, you little rat,_ snarled the cruel voice and shoved the little voice back down, reasserting it's control on Harry.

Outside his mind, Harry's eyes had brightened for a moment as the little voice fought free then darkened as the cruel one shoved it down.  Draco knew inside that he had no chance.

Harry smiled cruelly and said, "Goodbye, Malfoy."  He ended the spell keeping Draco in the air and watched as he fall.  Draco screamed as he went down.

"**_POTTER!!!_**"

_~*~_

_If I could touch_

_The sound of silence now_

_You know I would if I knew how_

_To make these intentions_

_Come around_

_~*~_


	17. Hearing Without Listening

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Lifehouse or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

***Hearing Without Listening***

_~*~_

_I'm hearing without listening_

_And believing every word_

_You are not saying_

_Speaking without a sound_

_~*~_

Harry looked down at the base of the Astronomy Tower where Draco's body lay crumpled.  He knew he wasn't dead.  Draco had begun to slow in his fall halfway down and landed on the ground only hard enough to render him unconscious.  Harry laughed at this then leapt over the edge

~*~

"Uhn."

Draco lifted his head and blinked blearily.

"Welcome back to the living, Malfoy."

"Potter?"  Draco's gray eyes flew open in surprise and he saw Harry kneeling beside him, his arms leant on his thighs, long hair shadowing his face.  But his eyes were what shocked Draco.  Instead of being emerald green, they were completely and wholly black.  And emotionless.

Draco tried to scramble backwards and yell but all that he managed was a slight wheeze.  Harry threw back his head and laughed, hard and cold.  He then smiled maliciously and said, "Scared, Malfoy?"

Draco pushed himself up on his elbows and gasped, "What the hell were you thinking, Potter?"

Harry affected a look of surprise and laid a hand on his chest.

"Me?"

"Yea, you sodding git.  Were you thinking at all?"

"No."

"_No?_"

Harry smirked and said, "Be thankful you're alive.  Now get up.  Someone might see us."

"Oh joy…"

Draco grunted as Harry rose and kicked him in the back.

"Up, Malfoy!  Or shall I shove your face into the dirt?  It might look better there."

Draco growled something under his breath and received another kick, this one in the ribs.  Harry jerked him to his feet a second later and shoved him forward.

"Weakling."

Draco stumbled forward and Harry followed, eyes still flooded black.

What neither teen knew is that they _were_ being watched.

~*~

Dumbledore appeared out of thin air at the top of the tower, his face grim.  He had proof that something was seriously wrong now.  Something had happened to Harry and it had everything to do with the truth about who his father was.

Dumbledore sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out the remains of Harry's glasses.  The boy had obviously not noticed them gone and neither had anyone else.  Turning them over in his hand, Dumbledore frowned.

He had to tell Snape about Harry.

He had to tell a father that his son was slowly being driven off the brink, it not already teetering on it.

Dumbledore sighed again then shoved the broken glasses back into his robes, turning to leave the two.

It was time to talk to Snape.

_~*~_

_Trapped inside_

_Of these four walls_

_Walking brainless muppet dolls_

_Mushroom face_

_Beneath the tangles_

_Bleeding silhouette inside_

_Dancing like an angel would_

_~*~_


	18. To See if You're Human After All

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Lifehouse or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

***To See if You're Human After All ***

_~*~_

_Could you let down your hair_

_And be transparent for a while_

_Just a little while_

_To see if you're human after all_

_~*~_

Snape stumbled out of bed as the knocking at his door slowly mixed with the pounding of his head and became an annoying song.  He fumbled across the main room to the door and jerked it open.  Dumbledore drowned at him and said, "Bed, Severus."

Snape frowned at him then spat, "Well then open the damn door yourself and don't make me get up."  Turning, he stalked (or more accurately, stumbled) back into the bedroom, collapsing on the bed.  Dumbledore followed him and Snape sneered.

"Going to tuck me in, Albus?"

Dumbledore frowned and replied, "No.  I have a move _–grave–_ matter to discuss."

Snape arched an eyebrow and waved a hand weakly in a 'go on' gesture.

"It's about Harry."

The effect of these three words was instantaneous.  The color (what was left of it) drained out of Snape's face and he croaked, "What about Harry?"

"He has tried once to kill himself by jumping off the Astronomy Tower.  And Poppy has informed me that Hermione Granger brought him up to the Hospital wing covered in blood and with cuts on his writs."

Snape dully said, "What did Ms. Granger say it was?"

"Cut from exploding glass."

"She lied?"

"I believe so."

Snape closed his eyes for a moment then asked, "How do you know he jumped off the Astronomy Tower?"

"There have been charms set on the tower to set off an alarm in my office if someone jumps off.  And I found these at the bottom."  Dumbledore pulled out a pair of smashed black glasses from his robes.  Snape took them in shaking hands then looked up into the dull blue eyes.

"There's more isn't there?"

Dumbledore nodded and said, Harry threw Draco Malfoy off the tower just a half-hour ago."

Snape as about to leapt to his feet when there was a feeble knock at the door.  Dumbledore went to open it and Snape heard him say, "Ms. Granger.  Is there a problem?"

There was a pause then he heard Hermione's teary voice choke, "It's Harry, professor.  He's – he's not himself."

"Come inside, Ms. Granger, and tell me everything."

The door clicked shut then Dumbledore reentered the bedroom, pushing Hermione in front of him.  The girl had tears streaming down her face and was twisting a scarlet handkerchief in her hands.  Her eyes widened when she saw Snape, looking paler than usual, sitting on his bed in the same robes from yesterday, which were torn in several places.  She ducked her head and muttered, "I should go."

Dumbledore placed a hand on her shoulder and said, "Stay, Ms. Granger.  You came here because you are afraid for Harry?"

Hermione nodded dully and looked up at Snape.  She sniffed then said, "Harry's angry with you. He – he doesn't believe you're his father."  She pause then looked away, eyes closed, and continued, "But you are.  I sat it."

Snape was at a loss for words and simply stared at her while Dumbledore asked, "What do you mean, Ms. Granger?"

"I can show you."  Hermione sniffed again then reached into her robes, pulling out a thin book.  She handed it to Dumbledore and said, "My sketchbook."

Snape, finally finding his voice, sneered, "What does that have to do with anything?"

Hermione said nothing but Dumbledore did.

"Look, Severus."

He held out the sketchbooks and Snape took it, spinning it around so he could see.

And he gasped.

Looking up with wide, frightened eyes, he breathed, "He – he…"  His voice trailed off as he looked back down at the sketch.

Hermione whispered, "He looks just like you."

Snape look at her and nodded.

"How did you draw this?"

"The Veritas spell.  I thought it was rather strange that Harry would look like James rather than you, professor."

Snape was lost for words again but he found them long enough to ask, "May I keep this, Ms. Granger?"

Hermione nodded.  "As long as you like, professor."

Snape nodded his thanks then Dumbledore said, "Thank you, Ms. Granger.  Perhaps you should head back to Gryffindor Tower now."

Hermione nodded numbly and turned to leave.  She paused in the door and turned back.

"Professor?"

Dumbledore arched an eyebrow.

"Yes, Ms. Granger?"

"Sir, what are you going to do about Harry?"

Dumbledore smiled and said, "Everything we can, Ms. Granger.  Everything we can."

Hermione nodded then said, "Goodnight, Professor Dumbledore, Professor Snape.  And good luck."  With that she left.  As the door clicked closed behind her the two men looked at each other and both said the same thing.

"Now what?"

_~*~_

_Honesty is a hard attribute to find_

_When we all want to seem like_

_We got it all figured out_

_Let me be the first to say_

_That I don't have a clue_

_~*~_


	19. Way Out of Touch

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Lifehouse or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

***Way Out of Touch***

_~*~_

_Can't change this feeling_

_I'm way out of touch_

_Can't change this meaning_

_It means too much_

_~*~_

"Potter, what are you doing now?"

"Arranging your funeral," drawled Harry.  "I can't decide whether to leave the casket open or not.  Wouldn't want your relatives to see you all bloodied up, now would we?"

As Draco whirled to look at him, Harry smirked and continued, "No, I have a better idea.  Let's not even have a body."

Draco sneered, "I think not."

"Did I ask you?"

"No, I thought I'd just give my input."

Harry smirked and said, "Sarcastic till the end, aye Malfoy?"

Draco gave a feral grin and snarled, "Only for you, Potter."

"I'm touched."

"I'm sure you are."

Harry smirked again then turned grim.  He growled, "Move on now, Malfoy.  Got to get back before someone notices you're gone."

Draco grumbled, "If only they would and you'd get your ass expelled."

"What was that?"

"Nothing.  _OOMPHF!_"

Draco crumpled to the ground from the force of the kick to his legs, winded. Harry glared down at him for a moment then sat on his chest.  As Draco sputtered for air, Harry stuck his wand under the other boy's jaw.

"Do you have a death wish, Malfoy?"

"Yea, sure, I do.  I want you to kill me for all the bad things I've done to you."

"How touching."

"You're a fu…"

Draco gagged as Harry laid his wand across his windpipe and pressed down.  _Hard._

Harry smiled as Draco choked and said, "Y'know, I really like watching you suffer but it would be much more fun to watch you die."

Draco tried to say something but only have a whistling sound.

Suddenly a voice cried, "_Expelliarmus!_" and Harry's wand snapped out of his hand.  And landed in Snape's.  The Potions Master was pale but the expression on his face was a murderous one.  Behind him stood Dumbledore, an equally grim expression on his face.

Harry rose to his feet, eyes still flooded black, and glared at the two.  He snarled, "Snape and Dumbledore come to rescue poor, defenseless Malfoy.  How touching."

Snape blinked then growled, "Back down, Harry."

"No."

Harry took a step forward and Snape lifted his wand arm, wand pointed straight at his son's heart.

"Harry, stop."

Harry only smirked and kept on coming.  Snape's hand shook.  He was disturbed by the image greeting him.  It was almost as if Voldemort himself was standing there.  He was afraid of his own son.

"Harold Jamison Snape, you _will_ stop."

Harry stopped, eyes narrowing dangerously.  He hissed, "_What did you call me?_"

Snape replied calmly, "Your name.  _Your real name._"

Harry roared, "IT'S NOT MY NAME!"

Snape felt Dumbledore's hand on his shoulder and he took a deep breath.  He whispered, "God, let this work."  Then he looked up into Harry's all-black eyes and howled out two words.

"_Veritas Aperio!_"

_~*~_

_Never been this lonely_

_Never felt so good_

_Can't be the only one misunderstood_

_I remind myself of somebody else_

_~*~_

_Veritas – Truth_

_Aperio - Reveal_


	20. Remind Myself of Somebody Else

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Lifehouse or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

A/N: I FINALLY FINISHED THE BLOODY CHAPTER!  It took me a HELL of a long time, but I DID IT!!!  Cheerful, isn't she?  She should be.  We inspired her.  **a new voice cuts in**  _YOU inspired her?  If I recall, it was I who gave her the suggestion to read over "These Dreams", not you two fruit nuts._  *crosses arms sullenly*  I highly resent being called a nut.  _*bares teeth, revealing sharp fangs in place of his eye teeth*  Well, get used to it, Atra, old boy._  *looks at the readers*  I bet you lot are confused by now.  ^_^  Well…we've got a new face in our little pack of muses.  Everyone meet Bryvend, my handsome little Angel/Demon who's a much better muse than those two.  *jerks her thumb at Atra and Saerwy*  Hey!  Oi!  _*shakes head sadly*  Too bad we have too put up with them._  They CAN be useful sometimes, Bryvi.  Ah!  Yes, and if anyone wants to know, my website Another Hell has been completely revamped.  Go check it out.  There's a picture of Tyls in the Harry Potter Gallery under Not Myself  (for anyone who wants to know what our beloved and now dead OC character looked like).  And please – leave a post on my tag board!  _We love comments, you know._  Adore them.  Squeeze them until they are nothing but worthless pieces of pulp.  **Saerry, Bryvend, and Atra all give Saerwy odd looks before walking off**  *looks around confused*  What'd I say?__ These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

***Remind Myself of Somebody Else***

_~*~_

_Feeling like I'm chasing_

_Like I'm facing myself alone_

_I've got somebody elses thought in my head_

_I want some of my own_

_~*~_

A jet of gold light shot out of Snape's wand and hit Harry square in the chest.  Harry spun to the ground as it hit him and vanished for a moment as there was a burst of bright light followed by a sound like a train.

Then there was silence.

A pale boy pushed himself up off the ground and looked at Snape with narrowed green eyes.

"What the hell did you do?"

Snape replied, "I let the truth show."

The boy snarled, "What truth?" in a voice that was not his own.

Dumbledore suddenly held up a silver mirror and the boy's eyes widened.

"No.  No, no, no, no, no.  It's not true.  ITS NOT TRUE!"

"It is true.  Severus _is_ your father, Harry," said Dumbledore gently.

The boy – Harry – collapsed to his knees with a whimper and held his head in his hands.  Snape made a move forward but thought better of it and stood where he was as Dumbledore moved over to Draco.  He helped the Slytherin up and said, "Go back to your dormitory, Mr. Malfoy.  And say nothing of what has happened tonight."

Draco's gray eyes sparkled as they moved to Harry and Snape drew his lips back in a sneer.  He strode forward, grabbed Draco by the collar and spat, "Say _nothing_ to your housemates or any students, Mr. Malfoy.  Say nothing to _anyone_."  He dropped his voice dramatically and hissed, "If I find that you have told someone – _anyone_ – I will make sure that you are expelled and never speak again.  Is that understood?"

Draco nodded numbly and Snape gave him a savage shove backwards.

"Now get back to your dormitory.  And remember what I said.  I do not play games, Mr. Malfoy."

Draco nodded sharply then ran off.  Snape sighed then turned to see Dumbledore pulling Harry to his feet.  The boy's face was hidden in a curtain of inky dark hair until he looked up as Snape walked over.

He gasped as what he saw.

Hermione sketch had been good but it was nothing compared to seeing his son's real features in person.

Snape was looking at an almost exact replica of himself fifteen years ago, minus the black eyes, Bludger-broken nose, and sharp jaw and plus the famous lightning bolt scar.  Harry looked at him with fear in his green eyes and Snape suppressed the sudden urge to hug his son.

Dumbledore looked between the two of them then said, "Let's go up to my office.  You look like you need a nice cup of tea, Harry.  Come, Severus."

  Harry nodded numbly and allowed himself to be led up to the castle by Dumbledore.  Snape followed close behind them, eyes focused on his son.

~*~

Up in Dumbledore's office, Harry sipped on a mug of warm tea while Dumbledore watched him and Snape wrung his hands nervously in his lap.  After a moment Dumbledore said, "Harry."

The teen jumped and turned wide green eyes on Dumbledore.

"Sir?"

"What were you doing outside with Mr. Malfoy?"

"I – I don't know, sir.  It was like there was this voice in my head telling me what to do and I could help but listen to it."

Dumbledore frowned.  He had heard a similar story fifty years ago from another black-haired, green-eyed boy.

"Why did you listen to it?"

Harry shrugged and looked down at the mug cupped in his hands.

"I don't know.  I – I was confused."  He lifted his head and added, "I still am," with a glance towards Snape.

Snape frowned and said, "Confused?"

"About – about everything.  Everything's so – so…" Harry voice trailed off.

"Twisted?" suggest Snape in a dull voice.

Harry nodded and Dumbledore said, "Miss Granger found you in one of the classroom's not too long ago, didn't she?  She took you to the Hospital Wing for some odd cuts in your wrists?"

Harry paled severely and began to stutter.

"I – I – didn't k-know.  D-didn't know w-w-what I was d-doing."

"Harry," said Snape, reaching out to touch his son's shoulder.  The teen drew back and the older man sighed, lowering his hand once more, eyes dull.  Harry noticed this and stuttered again as he spoke.

"S-sorry…"

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Harry," said Dumbledore gently.  "Sometimes things – very bad things – happen to us and we no longer know who we are.  There was once a boy about your age who had such a thing happen to him.  He heard a voice in his head too; a cruel, unfeeling voice that carried nothing for anyone but itself.  And he followed it.  He succumbed to it and I doubt that anything that was left of him remains."

Harry stared at his professor, eyes wide.

"Y-you're talking about Voldemort, aren't you, professor?"

"Yes, Harry, I am.  When he was still Tom Riddle.  He was a fifth year too when that happened to him."

"But why is it happening to _me_?" asked Harry, his voice rising to a quivering treble.  He then closed his eyes, ducking his head, and said softer, "Why does everything happen to me?"

Dumbledore steepled his fingers, elbows leaning on his desk, and replied, "I believe that when Voldemort passed some of his powers onto you, he also passed a little bit of that evil spirit."

Snape looked at Dumbledore in alarm.

"You, mean," he said in a gasp, "that Harry could become what _He_ is?"

Dumbledore nodded grimly, eyes dull behind his half-moon glasses.

"It could indeed.  But Harry has one thing Tom Riddle did not."

Harry looked up at that.

"What, sir?" he asked.

Dumbledore looked at Snape then back at Harry before saying gently, "He has a father who loves him."

Harry looked at Snape in surprise and the dark wizard smiled at him.  The teen looked alarmed.  It was the first time he had ever seen his professor – _his father_ – smile.

"And _that_," continued Dumbledore, "is something no child should be without and what no evil can stand against.  Love.  The love of a parent for a child.  Tom Riddle did not have this when he succumbed to that spirit.  _You_, Harry, _do_.  As you have the love of your friends."

Harry's pale cheeks flushed and he ducked his head, his curtain of dark hair falling forward to hide his face.

"Not anymore…  Ron hates me…  Hermione hates me…"

"Mr. Weasley has the temper most red-head's (and Weasley's) do and does not see many things as clearly as he should because of it.  Miss Granger, however, _does see_.  She does not hate you, Harry.  How could she when she came to us to tell us something was wrong?"

Harry looked up in surprise, breathing, "H-Herm did that?"

Dumbledore nodded in assent.

"She did indeed.  Do you see now?"

"Yes, professor."

Dumbledore nodded and said, "Well then, I believe we have that settled.  I think you should get to bed now, Harry.  A good sleep should well fix any damage done tonight.  And if you happen to hear that voice again, come _immediately_ to myself or Severus.  Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good.  Oh, and one more thing…"  Dumbledore lifted his wand and Harry stared at it.  The old wizard smiled and said, "We can't have you running around looking completely different and very much like the person you truly are, now can we?"

Harry nodded slightly.  He had now accepted that he was really Snape's son but he really didn't want to see his true reflection in a mirror now. 

Not yet anyway.

"So," said Dumbledore.  "We'll just make a few adjustments…  A Glamourie might be best, I suppose…"

"Albus," said Snape sharply.  "Glamourie may be powerful fae magic, but they can be easily seen through.  And broken."

"I know, Severus.  Which is why I am casting the Unseen Truth spell as well."

"Unseen Truth?" queried Harry.

Snape nodded, turning towards his son to explain.

"It was a spell created during the Dark Years.  Voldemort's followers used it to hide their marks.  There's only one counterspell that can reveal the truth behind the charm and very few wizards and witches besides those who were Death Eaters know it."

"D-did you use it, sir?"

Snape looked surprised at the question.  Then he shook his head and said, "No.  I must tell you, Harry, that I never wanted to join the Death Eater ranks.  My father forced me into it two years after my graduation."

"How?" asked Harry.

Snape looked directly into his son's eyes and replied, "He threatened to kill your mother."

Harry looked shocked.

"Of course," continued Snape, "I couldn't allow that."  He kept his eyes on Harry as he went on.  "I loved your mother more than life itself and I would have done anything for her.  _Anything_.  Even do something that went against everything I believed it, even to watch her marry another man.  To watch her kiss him, hug him, walked hand-in-hand with him.  And I've hated myself every miserable second of my life for it."

Harry stared in awe at his father, enraptured by the tale.  If he had heard this last year or in the year's before, he would have never believed it.  But now…now he did.  He could see in the man's eyes the pain he felt.  The man had thought his beloved was _safe_ in the arms of another man when she would not have been in his.  And she hadn't been.

Dumbledore looked between the two of them then said, "Well…shall we go on, then?"

Harry and Snape broke out of whatever spell had come over them and looked at the older wizard.

"Yes, I think we shall," said Snape.  "Right, Harry?"

The teen nodded, sitting his now empty mug on the claw-footed desk.  He then straightened in his chair and said, "Go on, professor."

Dumbledore nodded and waved his wand at Harry's face.  Golden motes flowed out of it and surrounded the boy.  As the two other wizards watched his face and body shifted into that of another.  Then a beam of red light shot out of the old wizard's wand and struck the teen in the chest, causing him to let out a short cry.

A moment later it was over.

Harry looked down at his familiar hands then up at Dumbledore and spoke in the voice he remembered, a rather deep tenor, not the somewhat silky one he truly possessed.

"Thank you, professor."

"You are most welcome, Harry.  And remember what I said.  Should you hear the voice again, come straight to myself or Severus."

"I'll remember, professor."

"Very good," said Dumbledore with a nod.  He placed his wand on his desk and sighed, "Now, I think we all should get a little rest.  Severus, will you escort Harry up to Gryffindor Tower?  And make sure Miss Granger got back there all right.  Those dungeons of yours can be rather tricky sometimes."

"Of course, Albus."

Snape and Harry rose and left Dumbledore's office, making their slow trek up to Gryffindor Tower in silence.

~*~

"Banshee," said Harry to the Fat Lady as they approached her.  She smiled at him and said, "Good to see you again, dearie.  My, you look a sight.  And _you_."  She turned her gaze onto Snape.  "If it isn't Severus Snape, come back to my Tower after all these years."

Snape bowed slightly and murmured, "Lady."

"You and your old ways.  They say chivalry's died out but _you_, my good Slytherin, had always put them wrong.  And what would the _both of you_ being doing here?"

Father and son looked at each other then back to the portrait.  The Fat Lady looked between them then beamed.

"I see…  So, it _did_ work out with my fine Gryffindor lass, didn't it, Severus?"

Snape coughed politely and Harry couldn't help but grin at his father's discomfort before yawning.  The Fat Lady immediately eyed him in a murderous way before turning on Snape.

"And now your keeping him up to all hours of the night?  Shame on you, Severus."

"Lady…"

"Don't you 'Lady' me, you scamp.  Now off with you.  I'll see to my young charge.  You look like you could use a good brandy."

Snape nodded slightly and murmured, "I could indeed…"

"Then go.  Go!  C'mon, Harry, dear.  Inside now.  A good night's sleep should set the both of you right.  And you, Severus!  I hope you mean to come by my Tower more often!"

"Of course, Lady!" said Snape's voice as he disappeared down the corridor, grinning wryly at Harry as he went.  Harry waved slightly after him then, yawning once more, climbed through the hole behind the Fat Lady's portrait into the common room.

He started for his dormitory then stopped.  Could he really face Ron now?  Could he face Hermione now?  Oh Merlin's beard, could he really do this?

_Yes_, said a voice in his head, the voice that the cruel one had driven down.  _They're your friends.  They'll forgive you._

Harry felt reassured by that voice and climbed the stairs.  He only glanced once at Ron's curtained bed before climbing into his own.

A few moments later, he had drifted into the darkness of sleep.

_~*~_

_Am I hiding behind my doubts_

_Are they hiding behind me_

_Closer to finding out_

_It doesn't mean anything_

_I remind myself of somebody else now_

_~*~_

A/N: This is not the end of our evil spirit, ladies and gents!  IT SHALL RETURN!!!  _Whenever we get ideas for the next chapter…_  **Yes, there IS that slightly problem…**  Until we continue!


	21. Cold of the Static

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Linkin Park or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Cold of the Static ***

_~*~_

_I woke up in a dream today_

_To the cold of the static_

_And put my cold feet on the floor_

_Forgot all about yesterday_

_~*~_

Morning.

Bright, golden sunlight poured through the sole window in the dormitory and fell upon Harry's face.  The teen twitched in his sleep and lifted an arm to cover his eyes.

Someone was watching him… 

Harry's other arm plunged into his robe pocket (he had not taken them off the night before) for his wand as he moved his arm slightly and opened his eyes to a bare slit.  He half-thought it might be Malfoy, come to get back at him for what he'd put the Slytherin through the night before – what the _spirit_ had put him through the night before.

But it wasn't.

It was Ron, standing beside Harry's bed and looking down at him with an emotionless gaze.  Harry relaxed his grip on his wand and moved his arm to look up at his friend.  They stared at each other for a long moment before Harry said, "Ron."

"Harry," replied the ginger-haired boy in a blank tone.  His face then twisted and he grabbed Harry's by the front of his robes, jerking him up.

"What the _hell_ did you do to Hermione last night?"

"Last night…?" gasped Harry.  Then he remembered what he'd said to Hermione.  She'd shown him her sketch.

Oh God… 

Harry grabbed Ron's wrists with both his hands and said, "Ron, let me go.  I – I didn't mean to say those things to Hermione last night.  I swear!"

"I don't believe you," growled Ron.

"Ron!" cried Harry as the other boy's grip tightened, pulling the collar of his robes into a choker about his neck.  "Ron, let go."

"Not until you tell me what you _did!_"

Harry gagged as Ron's grip tightened again.  He hissed softly, so none of the other boys could possibly hear if they were awake, "Professor Snape wouldn't take kindly to you killing his son, you know."

Ron's blue eyes widened and he snarled, "Hiding behind _him_ now, are you?  Your no better than he is, the Death Eater."

Harry's eyes flew open and his grip on Ron's wrists tightened, his fingernails turning to bury themselves in the other boys flesh.

"He is _not_ a Death Eater.  Now…let me go."

"He told you that, did he?  I bet he lied."

Harry felt a rage within him at those words.  Certainly he had been disgusted to find out his father was really his most hated professor and that his mother had been married to and had truly loved the man and he her, but he also now felt a respect for him that hadn't been there before.  Last year he wouldn't have defended Snape one iota.  Now…now when he had seen the intense pain in Snape's eyes whenever he spoke of his mother, he _had_ to defend him.  He had to.

"LET GO OF ME!"

Harry dug his fingernails deeply into Ron's wrists and the boy let out a cry, letting go.  The dark-haired teen threw him backwards, leaping out of his bed as he did so and stalking angrily across the room to where the other boy lay.  Ron couldn't help but notice that the stalk was decidedly like Snape's.

Harry knelt down and grabbed Ron's collar, jerking him up and shaking him before hissing in his face, "Do you know what he went through, Ron?  Have you seen the pain in his eyes when he talks about _my mother_?  True, he carries the Dark Mark but I know he'd _die_ before he really followed Voldemort."  When Ron flinched at the name, Harry laughed, coldly and harshly.  His green eyes gleamed as he continued, "Afraid of him, Ron?  Afraid of _me_?  I've got part of _Him_ in me, you know?  And make no mistake, I can be just as dangerous."

Harry let go of Ron's collar sharply, throwing the red-head's head back slightly, then rose and stormed out of the room.  As Ron lay gasping on the floor, Neville sat up and saw him.

"What's going on?"

Ron didn't answer him.  He turned his head to look after Harry and reached up to rub at his throat.

~*~

Harry stormed down into the common room and flung himself into a chair by the fire, turning it so it completely faced the grate.  As soon as he was settled, he began to tremble.  Pulling his legs up and folding them underneath him, he wrapped his arms about his torso, head dropping down so his long hair fell over his face.

He'd felt it again.  That spirit.  In his anger at Ron it had come out.  Or had tried to.

He shivered violently now.  If that thing took him over again, he might not be able to fight it.  He might hurt Ron!  Or Hermione!

No! 

Harry threw himself bodily out of the chair and onto the floor.  His knees hit hard, sending waves up pain up his legs, and his hands stung.  But he ignored them.  Teeth clenched, he hissed softly, "No.  I won't let it do that.  I'll _die_ before I let it hurt my friends."

_Good show, old boy_, said that little voice from earlier.

Harry jerked then queried, _Who are you?  You…you were fighting Him.  That spirit…_

_I was_, said the voice.  _I'm a part of you.  I'm the part of you that's actually James Potter's son._

Harry's eyes flew wide at that statement.

WHAT? 

Did you not think your – our – mother didn't sleep with James?  She did.  Of course, you, being the one who was born first, got sole control.  But I'm still here…

Harry collapsed onto the floor at this revelation.

Oh God…  Oh Merlin…  So, so…you're just like me? 

The voice gave a little sigh.  _I'm what you would have been had you been James' son.  To be blunt, I'm glad of this situation.  I'm not you, Harry.  I'm as far from it as a cat is from a dog.  You're full of courage, full of the will to fight.  I'm not.  I wouldn't have been able to do half of what you've done._

_But_, thought Harry, _isn't there some way to get you out?  To give you a life?_

_I was never supposed to exist!  Harry, don't you see?  You've had two souls existing inside you all these years!  I'M the reason you're a GRYFFINDOR!_

_You mean…you mean, without you, I'd've been in Slytherin like the Hat wanted?_

_Most likely_, sighed the voice.  _And now the other one…  He's been awakened.  He's been asleep like me but now he's awake.  And he wants control._

Harry's hands clenched into fists and his fingernails dug into his palm.

He's not going to get it.

_Good show_, said the voice as it slowly faded away.

Harry blinked and shook his head, climbing back up into the chair to contemplate over what'd he just found out.

~*~

"Harry?"

A sudden voice from behind him made Harry snap out of his thoughts, turning his face was the fire towards the voice.  Hermione stood a few feet behind them, her sketchbook in her hand.

"Hello, Hermione," said Harry, smiling tightly.  "A – are you alright?"

The girl looked at him, her fingers tightening about the sketchbook.  "No," she whispered.

Harry rose from his seat and moved towards her.  She took a step back, eyes wide.  The teen looked helplessly at her, remembering the battle of words he'd had with her last night.  It hadn't just been that spirit that'd brought them out…

"Herm," he whispered, shoulders slumping.  "I'm…I'm sorry."  He ducked his head, eyes closed.

Then he heard her approach.  Slowly, he looked up into her eyes.

And she slapped him.

Harry closed his eyes as his head snapped to the side, letting the sting in his cheek play out until it was over.  When he looked back at Hermione, she had dropped her sketchbook and her hands were over her mouth.

She then suddenly threw her arms around him and began to sob.  Harry folded his arms around her shoulders and let her cry.  He'd hurt her deeply and he knew it.

As Hermione continued to sob, Harry tilted his head back and looked out the window at the blue sky.

Why do I have to bring such misery? 

_~*~_

_Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore_

_A little taste of hypocrisy_

_And I'm left in the wake of the mistake_

_Slow to react_

_Even though you're so close to me_

_~*~_


End file.
